Debt Stress & Mental Health. Free Advice. StepChange
How to emotionally handle debt?
Over the years, we have witnessed some genuinely heart-breaking situations because of the emotional impact of debt. We’ve had people break down into tears whilst speaking to us. Many tell us they are too petrified to answer the phone or door. We've also had the misfortune of seeing relationships and families driven apart by the pressure of debt, and people left feeling like suicide is their only option. The impact debt can have on your mental and emotional state can be devastating.
Not in the mood to read? We got you covered. Listen to the rest with the YouTube link at the bottom of the page.
Where's the support?
There isn’t enough support or clear information about debt. This can result in weeks, months, or even years of worries, causing strain on a person’s mental health. Feeling in control of your emotions is crucial to taking control of your debt. We're going to share some powerful information with you. After finishing this article, we want you to feel emotionally empowered and ready to take on your debt.
We're now going to discuss some key ways creditors use emotions to get you to pay your debt and explain how this works so you understand why you shouldn't let your debt affect you so much.
Why am I so afraid of debt?
Creditors and debt collectors know precisely how to target your emotions. They know what to say, what to do and how to get you to pay. The first step towards feeling in control of your debt and getting rid of fear is understanding what creditors and debt collectors do to you emotionally and why. We will start with the fundamentals of human nature.
We all have emotions. If you can tap into someone’s emotions, they can be manipulated to do pretty much whatever you want. For example, take a toy manufacturer selling a toy. It seems harmless, right?
Well, let's see...
Manufacturers target young children’s emotions to sell toys, and TV advertisements help. The child has no money to purchase the toy, but they want it. The child emotionally influences their parents to buy the toy. As a parent, seeing your child happy makes you happy, and seeing your child sad makes you unhappy. The parent buys the toy to make their child happy.
The toy manufacturer used the child's emotions to tap into the parent's emotions to get them to spend.
Let's transfer that understanding to the world of debt...
What tactics do debt collectors and creditors use?
Creditors use their understanding of your emotions—particularly fear—to influence you via all the different communication channels they can access. When you take out any form of borrowing, be it a loan, credit card, or similar, the creditor will obtain as many contact details from you as possible, including any phone numbers you may have and any email addresses. Why?
They want as many routes as possible to get to you if you stop paying. They understand what tactics trigger a response, but it will change from person to person. If they combine tactics, they have a better chance of getting payment from you.
With that knowledge, let’s look at the two main communication channels creditors use and how they can use your emotions to get the action they want: payment.
1. Can debt collectors use scare tactics?
Fear is an emotion that can influence a person's actions. Debt collectors and creditors include wording that seems to target this emotion in their debt recovery letters.
Here are some phrases you may have come across before:
“Your home may be at risk if you do not keep up with your mortgage payments.”
“Failure to contact us may lead to legal action.”
“Your debt is being considered for legal action, which may put your home at risk.”
Many people do not know that creditors, debt collectors and other similar parties must use the word "may" if they cannot guarantee an outcome or action. They are not allowed to use “will” if they are not committed to the action, as it's considered misleading. Therefore, if a debt collector replaces the word "will" with "may", it allows them to send the message and have the same effect as reading the word "will".
Next, it’s all about the words surrounding "may".
“Failure to contact us may lead to legal action”.
For someone struggling financially, the words that stand out are "legal action". These words result in panic and a belief that you will be taken to court. This might not be the case at all. Legal action is often the last resort due to its cost and time implications. There’s always a process before legal action kicks in, which can be long-winded and complicated.
A big thing to look out for is phrases like these:
"Please call us to prevent this happening."
"Call now to prevent this happening."
"Call one of our team today so we can discuss options."
These show that the letter is designed to prompt your action.
Always, always read any letters slowly, carefully and several times. Put it down and come back to it later if you need to. Understand what you are reading, and don't just assume. You’ll generally find that it isn’t as bad as you first thought.
The Real Debt Guy
2. What if a debt collector calls you?
You might think letters are sufficient to create enough worry to result in payment, but phone calls are much more likely to elicit a reaction. Again, it is because of fear. We're going to explain how creditors and debt collectors use your emotions in phone calls, and then we want you to never let these phone calls affect you emotionally again.
Anxiety and fear are two very closely related emotions. They go hand in hand. When someone is anxious about something, it often stems from a fear of something happening. If you are anxious about a test result, this is usually due to the fear of the result. Guess what? Creditors and debt collectors know how to tap into this emotion on the phone.
This is why you receive calls at the earliest possible time on your landline or at the weekend. It’s why you receive calls on your work phone when it is awkward for you to talk. It’s why you receive calls on your mobile at all permitted times of the day and night. You might not want your partner to know what's going on, so you have to make excuses for ignoring calls (read our article Speaking about financial difficulties). This causes yet another level of stress and discomfort.
The intention can make you feel uncomfortable, anxious, and fearful. They want you to feel anxious whenever your phone rings or you receive a text, fearing that someone else may accidentally pick up your phone at work and not you.
The ultimate goal of these tactics is to force a payment. However, what many creditors and debt collectors fail to acknowledge (or perhaps they do) is that not everyone can withstand this emotional pressure. These tactics can shatter lives, not just of the individuals but also those around them.
So, how can you use this information to regain control of your emotions?
How do I get out of my debt mindset?
Understanding how creditors and debt collectors tap into your emotions is good, but what if it’s already worked? If you’re losing sleep, frantic with worry, or unable to eat due to anxiety or fear, it’s time to change your mindset.
Contact is a good thing
If a creditor sends you letter after letter and relentlessly calls you all the time, we want you to see this as a good thing. Why? Well, if they intend to take much more serious action, they will tell you so. They will unlikely continue to send generic and system-generated letters that people often receive.
Limit your contact information
To protect yourself, be more cautious about the details you willingly give out. If you find phone calls difficult to handle, we have a tip that could help.
Quick tip:
When you get a call, ask the caller to communicate with you in writing rather than go through their security questions. Also, ask them to remove your phone number from their records. They cannot discuss your debt with you if you don’t go through their security questions.
The key is to reduce their communication options and limit them to written communication so you feel more in control. This will allow you time to read the letter, digest it, and act rationally, not emotionally.
Remember to read The Real Debt Guy's final thoughts below!
