How to be happy

Let’s introduce Anthony...

Anthony is a person who sees money for what it truly is: a gateway to things he needs and wants, nothing more than that.

Some people spend their whole lives trying to acquire as much money as possible without knowing what they need or want the money for. Not Anthony. Anthony is smart! He doesn’t do that. He doesn't desire to be rich at all. As long as he can provide his family with whatever they need, he’s fine.

People regularly say things like, “Give me a million, and I’ll be happy.” Anthony is a realist, so he doesn’t know if this applies to him. He has never had £1,000,000, so he cannot say if that would make him happy.

In Anthony’s world, going out for a meal with friends, having good conversations, having good humour, and spending time with his wife and daughter make him happy. He feels that happiness is fleeting and not supposed to be permanent.

So, to answer the question, “Can you live a life of happiness?” Our opinion is no.

We aren’t supposed to have a life of happiness. Just like Anthony said, happiness is fleeting; it’s temporary. Life is about moments. Feelings of happiness make up some of those moments, but not all. If you’re not a realist like Anthony, it might make you sad to hear that there is no such thing as a life of happiness. Remember this feeling, and we will discuss it later.

What makes you happy today may not make you happy tomorrow. Remember you were once a child happiest when you had your favourite toy, watched your favourite cartoon, or ran around with your friend. That feeling of happiness has long since worn off. Can you confidently say that you can’t wait to finish work so you can get home and play with that same toy? To watch the same cartoon? To run around with those same friends? You may have moved onto clothes, jewellery, or different friends.

Running around with your friends has evolved into having a meal with your friends, and those cartoons have become movies. The point here is that what made you happy before was then, and this is now. Today, you’re satisfied with your appearance; you may not be tomorrow. This is why so many people change things about themselves, such as their hair colour or having surgery to look different to ‘be happy’. It could make them feel happier, but how long will that last? How many different hairstyles do people have in their life? That’s just one example.

Understanding that happiness is fleeting can be key to maintaining a good relationship with your partner. How often have you heard someone say, “But they seemed so happy,” when a couple just broke up for no significant reason? They probably were for some time, but what makes you happy can change overnight. A woman might be happy with a guy who just jokes around, and then she could have a child with him and become unhappy because he is not serious enough. A man might be happy with a woman who loves to party when he’s young, but when he gets older, he feels happier with a homebody. If one side of the couple cannot see the changes that make the other side happy, problems can arise.

We mentioned earlier that the mere thought of a life of happiness not being possible may make you unhappy. If that’s the case, we will help you feel different. A feeling only becomes a problem if you fail to accept it and let it run its course.

Let's explore this a little more...

You see, human beings have difficulty with acceptance. We always think there is a solution to everything. There is a sky, and birds fly, so why can’t we? So, we build a plane.

As you get older, your body, for example, starts changing. We find ways to stop that from happening. We cannot even accept death, which is why we have things like life support machines. We try to find a solution to avoid anything we don't like.

It’s the same with emotions. We do all we can to avoid any feelings we don't like. People say things like, "I never want to get into a relationship again, so I don't get hurt," like they did in a previous relationship. Not getting into a relationship is believed to be the solution to not getting hurt again. Of course, it isn’t; if it were, practically everyone would be single!

The issue is that the person doesn’t know how to process the pain of a breakup properly and finds it difficult to accept the feeling for what it is, allowing it to run its course and come through the other side.

Let's see how this plays out in 'The Breakup'.

Jermaine and Michelle break up. They stopped speaking as the relationship ended badly. They were together for a long time, so even though they are no longer in a relationship, they can’t help but wonder what one another is up to. In this day and age, social media is your best friend when you want to be nosey. Michelle’s friends tell her she shouldn’t check Jermaine’s social media profiles as they might upset her. Instead, she should come out with them to “mingle” and forget about him.

Although Michelle’s friends mean well, they are not allowing her to go through what she needs to process her feelings, deal with them and allow them to pass. Instead, they try to help her avoid these feelings. The upset, the hurt, the anger. These feelings, just like happiness, are fleeting. They are not designed to last forever; they are not to be avoided. It’s important to understand that feelings of sadness are no different to feelings of happiness. Happiness is a feeling, too, and is temporary.